Holy Saturday - identifying with Peter or Judas ...

It’s done.
Over with.
He’s gone.
Dead and buried.
We can go back to our ordinary life.
Dream crushed.

We have failed.
And we understand also that
we have been failed.
Betrayed even.
It isn’t as we were promised…..

or did we get it wrong?

One of the lessons to be learnt
in deep transformation, is that
what appears to be the truth,
ie the-“truth”-on-the-surface,
is so often not at all the Truth
when we go really deep down.

Even harder is the lesson
provided by Life's mirror ….
the learning which tells us that
those things and people which we resent,
despise, shy away from, get triggered by,
or shun and disown, show us
the spaces inside ourselves where the seeds
of our own healing can be found.

This past week in churches -
on Thursday evening and yesterday -
we are reminded again of two of
the friends of the guru/master Yeshua;
one “friend” who premeditates and carries out
betrayal (the betrayer’s kiss is fascinating -
Why did he betray? And why kiss Jesus? -)
the other, who never plans to disown, and
mistakenly believes he is courageous enough
to stand firm when his own life is threatened,
but who denies and weeps and flees.

And there is more than betrayal and denial -
not just that the male friends all take flight,
(the women stay, close or farther away,
depending on which account you read,)
not just that men’s worst sides come out
in ever-expanding viciousness and fear,
but that the most exultant imagined dream
is so quickly, efficiently and violently crushed.

So, who are we in this story?
(And, who do we try and avoid being?)

The god-man being put to death is an amazing
narrative that says many things at many levels.
For me, two of the most important are

- there is nowhere that the Divine cannot be found

(see my last blog-posting)
and
- the seed of even more joy lies in "the crushing" of what is.

I love the popular movement of the last few years
to encourage people to shed old limiting ways -
to let go of old hurts, of old beliefs, of anything
which stops them from becoming whole,
so that their lives may become empowered,
and that they may begin to shine brightly.
But there is a price which is not usually stated:
For a person to become whole, everything held tight -
it doesn’t matter if it’s “good” or if it’s “terrible” -
has, sooner or later, to be given up, crushed.
The radically new and stunningly blissful is
only able to emerge through the total surrender of
absolutely everything, whatever it is, to God.

Looking at the Passion story from this perspective,
perhaps Judas’ betrayal and Peter’s denial were
crucial ways for them to surrender whatever it was
that stopped them from receiving the new life -
it wasn't just about releasing “good appearances”
or no longer being trusted friend in different ways -
everything of deepest importance within them
was totally challenged and turned upside down.
(In the New Testament accounts, Judas, of course,
gives up too soon to reap the fruits of being real.
Or perhaps not. And there are also modern scholars
who don’t believe that Judas committed suicide.)
Perhaps all the cruelty and violence that we are shown
are, dare it be said, at some level a fundamental opening.
Perhaps this story, so full of horrors repeated in
so many violent places today, is an important lesson
in going deeper, in "trusting in a point beyond " -
in allowing sight beyond the hate and cruelty.

In a church I was working at ten years ago,
the midday prayers bulletin had an illustration of
God going down deep on the cover (from Africa)
showing that there is nowhere deep enough,
evil enough, painful enough, that the Divine
is not there before us (as Psalm 139* says.)

I believe we are asked to show as much kindness
and compassion as we are able, wherever we go.
But there will be times when the complete and
absolute opposite overtakes us in some way,
and then it is time to dare to go down deep within.
For me, surrender to God often means allowing
this going-down-deep journey, however difficult
or ugly or painful it may be. Especially when
there seems no rime or reason why something
awful has “had to” happen.

Let’s go back to the mirror image for transformation
which I mentioned at the beginning of this post.
There is a hidden gift here; a wonderful “positive side”
to accepting that what we see in others is also in us -

The wholeness and holy joy
which we see and honour
in the saints and gurus and friends
whom we love, admire and look up to,
is mirrored in the seed of wholeness and holiness
and the essence of the Divine Creator and
that Godly Connection within us!

Or to paraphrase the Gnostic Gospel of Philip,

we are who we truly see and get to know.

I also asked the question which character we feel
we are in this holy unfolding, leading to death.
I risk being called a blasphemer by some, but
I suggest that it is our holy destiny
ourselves to be the god-man, Jesus.
Part of this being Jesus, is the learning that
by not holding on for dear life, we also may
transcend all pain and hurt and death, and so
allow ourselves to be
reborn in glorious elation.

I dare to believe that the more of us
who are convinced of this principle,
- we are who we truly see and know -
and have the courage to live by it,
however often we may fail by denial,
or by betrayal or any any way,
the quicker our rape and pillage of the Earth,
and of each other, will cease.
And that our New Age, so longed for by Jesus,
so long prophesied by every spiritual tradition,
and so clothed in beauty by so many poets,
visual artists, dancers, musicians, etc.,
will at last be manifested among and in us
with a joy and bliss beyond our imagining.

May your Easter be full of dreams
and of rising Joy!

John O

*
If I say,
"Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day -
for Darkness is as Light to you!
(Ps 139, vv.11-12)