Ash Wednesday
the first day of Lent in the Western church
(fell on Feb 21st, this year, in case you'd missed it)
is, for me, one of the most unpleasant,
horribly challenging, joy-deprived,
grey days of the year.
And it heralds 46 more days of self-examination,
of learning to look at the shadows within,
of encouraged austerity, quiet contemplation,
feastlessness and all those things I would prefer to avoid.
(Even if Sundays are supposed to be exceptions
in honour of Jesus' resurrection -
all Sundays are really Easter Days
in ancient Christian tradition -
yet the flavour of fasting never quite leaves.)
Come on,
I'm a Fire Boar, for goodness' sake
(sometimes it's useful to quote the Chinese!)
I love feasting and warmth and sensuality
and generosity of climates and people
and an abundance of everything wonderful -
how can I possibly have anything to gain from fasting?!!
Doesn't God WANT us to be happy?
Just as well I wasn't born Greek;
the orthodox Christians have 8 weeks!
The first time I went on a Source Breathing course,
it was on the island of Gotland, Sweden
one early, sunny-but-cold April.
(By the way, for any followers of Jesus Christ reading this,
Source Breathing was started by a born-again Christian,
Leonard Orr, back in the 1970's, as part of his search
for the literal truth behind "if you believe in Me,
you will not die!" Leonard's travels have taken him
to meetings with "immortals" that seem both bizarre
and full of that fulfillment of spiritual longing
that so many carry in these times!)
Although the course was not primarily
about receiving mystical experiences,
one of its key components was
making peace with God, in order to live a life of
empowered love and compassion as "it was intended."
I had had many deep experiences of Christ,
throughout my life, in so many ways;
of spiritual community, of wonderful praying -
for many years a church life of
musical pastoral ministry was my job -
yet, though I knew God within me,
I was still longing for that community of belief where
I could completely feel safe to let myself go with
a passionate abandon that was true to who I am.
What completely blew me over
about the Source Breathing course
was the way I was suddenly surrounded by
a group of people literally breathing Unconditional Love.
And the meditations and singing that we did
brought me face-to-face with God like a naked Adam -
but this time, forgiven and embraced fully for
who I really Was and Am.
All of me.
Completely accepted and Loved.
How did we all get to this space?
(For what we all received in terms of acceptance and love,
we also gave ....)
One of the ways was fasting!
To help us stop using food as an addiction
to hide the inner shadow.
For what is not seen and acknowledged
can never be used or transformed, at least consciously.
On Gotland, that April,
as on this last Ash Wednesday,
I shivered and froze as my body tried to shake off
my inner examination.
I yawned, longed to go to bed,
longed for anything to take me away.
On Gotland, Community held me!
And, I believe, that I also held them,
as we dared to face the inner demons that had
disempowered us for so long.
And after much breathing,
after reconciliation with God,
after waiting for food and finding
how much less I really needed than I thought,
a wonderful, strange transformation occurred.
I felt able to see forward into the future again.
Not only that;
I could bask in God's presence,
I had re-found my Life Purpose, my soul's Joy,
I wanted to shout for happiness
(I'd never, ever felt this before!)
And the world buzzed with colours and an energy
I didn't remember ever seeing.
I could look God in the face.
I could look my friends, my children,
my co-workers in the face and say
"Life is AWESOME!"
Talk about being saved!!
So,
why do I hate Ash Wednesday.
Because it reminds me that,
as with a loving relationship,
if you don't cherish Life regularly and often,
you lose...
first the point of it,
and then, eventually,
Life itself.
And so, my friends,
I am required to do some
hard work!
(Fire Boar problems again!)
But Leonard Orr knew what he was doing;
though starting to breathe fully again
takes some disciplined effort,
the rewards are stunning -
For the Breath of Living is indeed
the Holy Spirit of Life,
and breathing well is the best way of coming back to
living in harmony with oneself and everyone around.
- with good help of clean water,
wonderful sensual (in its best meaning) experiences of friendship,
and the space to be able to scream for JOY!
I needed this Lent
to remind me of Real Life,
so that I could see
God.
In vibrating colours!
Again.
May your life be
Joyous and Blest and Ecstatic.
Peace and Love
John
